Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The F-Bomb was the only way to go.

First of all, I would like to say I completely forgot what an amazing movie "The Lion King" is.  Considering my extreme hatred for movies that sing, that is saying a lot.  ("Beauty and the Beast" is its only equal because a) it is my favorite fairy tale and b) it just rocked.)  I remember sitting in a theater waiting for a movie to start - I have no recall of what it was - and the intro to "The Lion King" played.  It was amazing, colorful, vibrant, with music that ate at your soul, and it was their bloody teaser!  I don't think Disney has ever topped that movie.  Ever.  (Pixar doesn't count.  Pixar just happens to be slaves to Disney, but their creations I cannot remotely associate with the Damn Dirty Rat.  Disney could have never come up with "The Incredibles" on its own.)  Either way, I mention this because Disney has finally pulled its head out of its bloated ass and decided to release it on Blu-Ray in October.  This is not as epic as the release of LotR on Blu-Ray, but for me, it's pretty damn close. 

Oh, shut up.  I regret nothing.

With that out of the way, I would like to lament my future passing from this planet.

No, I am not planning on committing suicide, although I figure anytime I walk outside my door it must constitute an attempt.

With the various and assorted screwed up situations in my life from my impending divorce to my unemployment, I shouldn't be surprised that the Earth would decide it had had enough and hurtle itself into the sun.

Which I guess would actually make my impending doom a murder.  Bright side to everything I guess.

Look, all I know is that it's nearly one in the morning and I am sweating.

I am not sweating because I was running on a treadmill.  I am not sweating because I just watched "300".  I am not sweating because I ate a jabanero pepper and chased it with Tabasco sauce.

I am sweating because it's nearly one in the morning and it's still 85 FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE!

I don't give a rat's ass if Al Gore was right or if it's just a cyclical part of weather, the way the planet leans towards the sun, or Mama Nature's hormones.  All I know is it's FUCKING HOT. 

Look, in drier parts of the world, it's way hotter during the day, but at least by nightfall it's down right chilly.  Makes up for the daytime torture.  Here, it's hotter than Satan's left nut in a sauna - and just as humid - during the day, and at night...there is no change.

I would also like to point out that my peeps down in South Louisiana are experiencing the hell and humidity of both of Satan's nuts combined.  We actually have it better up here.  (One of the many reasons I will not be going back down south.)

Last year was like a damn blast furnace, and this year seems like it's trying to keep up.

All I know is when the sun goes down and the A/C is on full blast, I'm still forced to sleep nude on top of the covers with a ceiling fan and a stand-up fan blowing because even a sheet could interrupt the delicate balance between my comfortable sleeping temperature and the alternative that is like sleeping under a wet blanket.  And, when you have that kind of situation the only words that fully describe it is "It's FUCKING HOT!"

This summer shit needs to end.

Once again, we are in mid-summer and I must repeat my mantra:


I'm going to go hibernate now.  Wake me when it's October.

This segment of the blog is brought to you by the "I don't give a shit what my electric bill is like I'm turning up the A/C" Council.

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