Sinuses! Sinuses! Sinuses! We all need them! They are an essential part of...well, something involving breathing! But, sometimes you get a faulty set that just don't run as well as they should, am I right? Good hard earned DNA put to waste! Are you one of those people who poke her sinuses wishing they would wake up and do their job?
Well, look no more! Down here at Krazy Kamikaze Kumquat's Everything-But-The-Fleas Flea Market we just got in this amazing set of sinuses that are absolute workaholics, folks. They are so hard working their original owner couldn't keep up! Here is her testimonial:
"Dude, I had to buy fucking stock in Kleenex..."
See there? Good honest workmanship at your disposal.
For just the low, low price of $19.99, you get this powerful, amazing, over-clocked, under-used set of sinuses that will solve all your lazy sinus needs! That's right, just $19.99 gets you more sinus action than you could ever hope for! But, wait! There's more! If you buy within the next ten minutes, we'll throw in this handy-dandy goblin trap for free! That's right FREE! Tired of those little buggers getting into your sock drawer and only stealing the left sock? Put an end to that with the Kumquat's patented Goblin Gobbler. This little critter sits and waits in a corner and will just gobble those little nuisances right up with minimum splatters or screams! (Litter box, instruction manual, warranty, liability, and ability to know why it will eventually devour your house not included.)
You heard it here, folks. With just one payment of $19.99, you nor only get a fantastic pair of sinuses who will go above and beyond the call of duty to produce mucus for your dry, dry nose, but a patented Goblin Gobbler. And, hell, because I'm a nice Kumquat, if you order in the next five minutes, I'll throw in these nail clippers.
So, visit us here at Krazy Kamikaze Kumquat's Everything-But-The-Fleas Flea Market! We got what ya didn't know ya needed!
Take my sinuses...please...
Kleenex not included.